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Humans are so expressive, their faces. My cousin had a very deformed kind of boy who was also severely mentally handicapped, but his eyes and his smile showed that he could feel a lot.
Let's imagine that the relaxed state was the base of all feelings. there is no limit to the depth of one's relaxed state, relaxed and peaceful are almost the same. Imagine the tension one would feel being in a refugee camp, under the thumb of a well armed authority. In this circumstance to relax would be almost a luxury, reserved only for the privileged. Still, everyone needs to know how to be relaxed, especially in dangerous situations. Perhaps to be fully relaxed, you cannot have any subconscious programs running, that is, all trauma from the past, especially those from childhood need to be released, since otherwise, it affects one's entire life in a negative way. Children are so sensitive, that is perhaps why they cry so easily. They may be even more sensitive than their parents. The parents may be overburdened with many children, little money, illness, etc. it is easy for a child's needs to get overlooked at times while growing up. It may feel unfair, unloving, and disconnected. Children will always devise a strategy to survive, maybe not always the best strategy. Its that strategy which endures, lurking in the subconscious, waiting to be triggered, and it needs to go since it no longer serves. Since our cultures are so toxic and traumatic, many people have experienced this, each in their own way. What might happen is that the adult can look back and perhaps remember the strategy that they utilized at the time. And the feeling that was surpressed or left unattended was the resentment and hurt that one had towards one's parents for their lack of attention, or affection, unfairness or whatever, which has layed buried in the subconscious, while on the other hand the young child loves his parents in some kind of unconditonal way at the same time. So that there is a dichotomy created; the resentment/ anger/ hurt and the love. The first gets buried and forgotten, but it doesn't go away, and when something triggers it, it explodes, disrupting relationships. One way to rid yourself of this curse is to quietly contemplate yourself as a young person at this time and try to remember an incident which had been painful for you and one in which you were essentially powerless, but you had to respond in one way or another and whatever way you did, this, we could call your "strategy". And try to identify and feel the feelings that you had at that moment. Notice the hurt that you felt, and your sense of injustice, powerlessness, and perhaps some resentment towards your parents. This resentment is what probably got buried, because you were torn between that feeling and your love for your parents, which may have outweighed things and the resentment got buried. This is what gets wedged into your subconscious, both the strategy and the feelings. All of this, laying dormant somewhere in your subconscious, until it is revived through some external trigger. It could have a bad affect on your health in many different ways. Its like living with something rotting inside. Take the time to reflect and visit your younger self and realize that now you can have compassion for yourself, in your innocense, vulnerability and confusion, and for your parents who due to whatever reasons were unable to give you the love and attention that you needed. Now, you can see, that it really wasn't about you, it wasn't that you were not worthy of their love, it was that they could only do as well as they did, and for whatever reason, it wasn't adaquate for a sensitive child like yourself. It could lead to losing one's sense of dignity and gaining insecurity and shame. Some things that you may have had to overcome as much as you could growing up. Understanding this as an adult can help you to have forgiveness from the heart, it has to be real, not just mental, and following this with compassion and love both for yourself and for your parents. This is the cure.
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April 2022
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